No…not Nathan Fillion

A single word can conjure up a world of images inside a person’s mind. I have a C word on my mind. What images are coming up for you? What do you see? Donde esta la biblioteca? I guess it would be a good idea for me to finish the word I have in mind. It’s Castle. These magnificent pieces of architectural design are known for their opulence and long history. America, unfortunately has neither. The only person to have a castle in my country was a newspaper mogul who liked pools. I’ve been to his castle too, and then I went and ate Italian food somewhere. Here are some pictures of Castles in Japan.

It may be hard to believe, but these are three different castles in three different prefectures of Japan. Hyogo, Oita and Fukuoka. I came across the Castle in Hyogo (top picture) during Golden Week in 2017, which is a collection of Japanese holidays that were probably purposely stuck together just so people could get half a week off of work. I have heard that recently the entire week as become a work holiday, but unfortunately I am no longer living there to take advantage of it.

Also, Hyogo does a very good job of reminding you on every street corner that they have a castle, and that castle is in fact very famous. It’s fame seems to be perpetuated by Hyogo spreading around how famous it is. On my first day of holiday while there, I walked over to its area (which is hard to miss because you can see it from everywhere) so that I could maybe check it out in person, but the line to get in was longer than any line I’ve ever seen at Disneyland, so I just walked around the perimeter. It has the distinction of being completely white, while most other castle’s employ a different roof color.

The Nakatsu castle in Oita was just a quick side trip I took on my way home from work one day. There was this thirty-something librarian that worked at my elementary school in 2016 and 2017 and he was a castle otaku; which basically means he often went well out of his way to view and appreciate castles all over the country. I heard from a friend who had a conversation with him, that he would regularly take trips to a city about a couple of hours away from where he lived so he could pick up a particular periodical about Castles in Japan. With that knowledge stuffed haphazardly in my cranium, I decided to take a detour and check out Nakatsu Castle the next weekend I was up there.

As for the castle in Fukuoka, it was in the city of Kita Kyushu, which holds the distinction of being the largest metropolitan area on the island of Kyushu. If you don’t know Japanese geography, it is made up of five main islands and thousands of small islands. The southernmost main island is Kyushu, and Kita Kyushu (which translates to north Kyushu) is the largest city on that island. Geography lesson is over, it won’t be on the test, there isn’t a test, I never made any. All of the castles in Japan look strikingly familiar except for some variance in color and height. And surprisingly, they all still have the same coca cola vending machines they did back when they were first built too.

 

El Borracho Mexican Restaurant!

Mexican food is very difficult to find in rural Japan, so you often have to go to a large city to find some. I ate at El Borracho in Fukuoka City a couple years ago and it was quite delightful. There are two in the city that I know of, and they are both hidden deep within a maze of shopping centers and escalators.

I want to touch on three things here. If you look at the photograph, I’m wearing a Japanese Star Wars shirt. It’s just awesome. Secondly, most people in Japan that I’ve talked to have no idea what Nachos are, and that bums me out quite intensely. It’s an intense bumming. I got a text from a friend after telling her about Nachos, she was in Tokyo eating Nachos for the first time with about eight of her colleagues and was texting me about how much she was enjoying them. It was the proudest moment of my life.

And lastly, I did not ask for an entire six pack of beer in one glass. I asked for a beer while at El Borracho in Fukuoka city (Tenjin area), and they asked me if I wanted a “large”. Generally, where I’m from, “large” doesn’t mean “bigger than my head”, but that’s exactly what I got. I think I drank two that night.

All Along the Purple River, Riverwalk the Line, River by Riverwalk, and Other Dumb Titles

Where can you find a shopping mall, a castle and a purple river all in the same place? I’m not going to wait for you to answer. I’m sorry. I don’t have time for that malarkey. It’s the Riverwalk KITAKYUSHU!!!!! Right in the [insert internal organ] of Kokura City, there is a six-story shopping mall right across the street from a Castle. You heard that right….a real-life Castle! Kokura Castle, to be more specific. And sometimes, if you go there on the weekends, you can see people playing guitar or (as I saw recently) singing karaoke, right along the Purple (Murasaki) River. And sometimes, its entertaining.

The building itself is cool because its three different architectural designs in one. It even has a temple nestled in one of its crevices. Or maybe, the Riverwalk is just an abscess on the back side of the Temple… That’s a pleasant visual. These are also pleasant visuals!

On the bottom floor is a Starbucks, which is always busy, and on the third floor is a music store. Those are the only two stores in the entire mall. Not really. There is also a cinema, an art museum, an arcade, a Baskin Robbins, and many other places where one can make merry in the enjoyment of purchasing food, drink and assorted material goods. I think I even saw a 100 YEN shop, too.

And also, in the lobby you can often find free live performances of various kinds. Last weekend, there were kids dressed up as Mario and Luigi rehearsing for something backstage as a band with dancers were performing the Japanese version of “Under the Sea” from Little Mermaid. If you can dream it, they probably have it. Or not, I don’t know what you dream about.

The Epic of Archimedes and the Trials at Douwasai

A long time ago, around May 2018, a great trial befell our hero. Who is Archimedes, you ask? No, he’s not a Greek mathematician from Syracuse. He’s not even a bartender from Temecula. Archimedes is my guitar. Purchased from a living room sized music shop in rural Japan, this guitar has vanquished monsters and beasts along streets and inside coffee shops…and when I say monsters and beasts, obviously I mean songs, and by vanquished I mean played, but its still epic.

I remember sitting at work the day I bought it. I turned to a co-worker with a gleam in my eye, it frightened him at first but I assured him my intentions were not malicious. I said, “I have a question”, he responded with, “…” well, he responded with whatever he used to say in Japanese that was roughly slang for ‘what is it?’ but I can’t remember what that is right now. I asked him, “How do I say ‘I want to buy a guitar’ in Japanese?” He looked deep in thought for a moment, then grabbed a piece of paper off my desk and wrote ‘Kaitai’. I looked down at the paper, then back up at him. I eyed him suspiciously for what seemed like an hour. We were like two cowboys against the setting sun, hands hovering tickling the air above our hips. I’m kidding. I said, “What does that mean” and he said, “It means ‘I want to buy’.” That was a really long story for about 30 seconds of interaction, but whatever, I’m over it.

Apart from coffee shops and along the street, last May I got the amazing opportunity to play my music at the Children’s Fairytale Festival at a huge park in my old town of Kusu. It’s called Douwasai in Japanese and I not only got to play on a huge stage, but I was also in front of a giant koi fish! A giant koi fish you can walk through! Every time people walked through that fish, they would exit right in front of my stage. They would be forced to look at me! My plan was perfect! I got to play for 45 minutes, twice, that day. Honestly, I would have been ok with about 20 minutes because my songs aren’t that long, what with growing up listening to Bay Area skater punk.

According to an old facebook post of mine, apparently the guitar only cost me $160.00 USD and I received a free strap, free bag, free stand and free allen wrenches…for you know, allen wrenching. The guy I bought it from was super nice and he even has a recording studio in his music store that some of my friends record music at. His shop is called Okawa Music, so if you are ever in Kusu, Oita, you should check it out, it’s right next to the fire station that sits right next to that park! You know that one. Oh yeah, and while I was playing at this Festival there was a group of children making wooden stools over to my left. Every so often when they would all be hammering their stools at the same time, it would interfere with my mic and make a loud buzzing sound. It was funny. I guffawed valiantly as I slayed the beasts at Douwasai!

Kara, Are You Ok?

Today, I am writing about one of my favorite forms of exercise in the world: Karaoke! Next to Janken (Rock, Paper, Scissors), of course. I think my record for playing Janken in one day is darn near 200 times. Its used to solve arguments, decide ownership, the works! Ok, maybe its only played for fun, but moving on. Karaoke is a beloved pastime in this great country of Japan, and often times it can be used as a gosh darn rite of passage. You can’t be a man (or a woman) unless you can belt out the hits in a small room surrounded by your peers (and lots of beers) into a cordless mic.

First things first! You make a reservation for your own personal Karaoke room. Every karaoke establishment generally has like a dozen or more rooms you can reserve. I mean, you don’t have to make a reservation…but, you know, I mean… Next! You start practicing your moves in front of the mirror as you comb through your record collection looking for the perfect songs to sing to your friends. When you’re in a karaoke room most solo acts quickly turn into barber shop octets. Is that 8? I’m not sure. So, it’s very important to choose songs that a lot of people know, because from personal experience, its always a lot more fun that way. I’ve lost my voice many times in a karaoke room because its so tempting to just shout out every single song that people choose.

And then last, but not least….well, you know, I mean, last but not least, you should show up on time to claim your reservation because that’s just the polite and punctual thing to do. Also, another last but not least is…go ahead and bring your own food and turn it into a potluck, like I did with my friends two Christmases in a row. I have been to at least half a dozen different karaoke places in Japan and each and every time its so much darn fun! You pick the song using a large remote and stylus, and you’d be surprised how many English songs from non-Japanese bands there are to choose from.  My usual mains are Blink 182 “Adam’s Song” and Green Day “Brain Stew”. I also never leave karaoke without singing “I believe I can fly”, the Me First and the Gimme Gimme’s version, of course.

I have learned a lot of things in a karaoke box. A lot of things about Japan, about others, and about myself. I’ve seen a grown man dressed in a full-bodied reindeer costume. I have learned that ABBA is still really popular in Japan. I have also learned that the stock “music videos” for songs are extremely interesting. They all take place in New York, and they all have to do with a couple meeting each other by chance and then somebody starts drinking alcohol because life is pain. You’d really have to experience it to know what I’m talking about, and I highly encourage it. The one for “Foxy Lady” by Jimi Hendrix actually has women in bikinis on the beach and in pools, so I guess that one makes a little bit of sense.

I also wore a Kimono (of sorts) my very first time at Karaoke in Japan. It was very fun, enjoyable, and other adjectives that mean roughly the same thing as fun and enjoyable. I still haven’t mastered the art of singing a Japanese song from beginning to finish, but I know other people that can sing karaoke songs in three or more different languages. It’s very impressive and please notice me Senpai. Also, everyone in the Western hemisphere has been pronouncing Karaoke wrong forever. It’s actually pronounced ‘Kaw Raw Oh Kay’. And with that final piece of knowledge, I’m going to start practicing Blondies “Heart of Glass” a little bit more. I’ve almost got those high notes down perfectly.

Jionnotaki: A View to a Fall

Nature is a beautiful thing. People often ask me why I chose to come to Japan, and my number one answer usually has something to do with nature in some way. If I had one yen for every time I answered those questions with, “The beautiful mountains”, I would probably have about twenty yen, and incidentally would still not be able to buy anything. I don’t usually think about waterfalls when I think about nature, but my oh my, this waterfall I visited with my family back in April was quite the show stealer. It’s called Jionnotaki, and if you think that’s hard to pronounce, you’re right. It’s located right off the highway, dang near the border of Kusu and Amagase, in Oita Prefecture. I don’t know where the border is between those two towns, or if they even border each other but I’m not backtracking now. It’s too late for that.

One of my favorite parts about this waterfall, is the walkway that takes you behind it. This little niche grotto whatever thing is amazing. And I bet it feels fantastic in the middle of a hot, mushi-atsui, Southern Japanese summer. My second favorite part of this waterfall is the photo ledge. It would appear that nature itself knew the importance of technology and capturing wonderful memories, and it grew a ledge that sits perfectly in front of the waterfall for only the most supreme (and often extreme) photo opportunities.

You can’t really tell from the picture, but this ledge extends from the normal path to the middle of the river that the waterfall is flowing into so you can get it perfectly in the background of your pictures. I, of course, went with the classic ‘double peace sign’ pose, whereas my sister spent an hour trying to get the perfect ‘one-legged meditative’ pose. But it was funny, because right after she finally pulled it off, another person with their friends after us did the same pose. I don’t know, I laughed. And after this waterfall runs off into this pool of water beneath it, it all flows into, what I can only describe as, a babbling brook. I mean, if this isn’t the definition of babbling, then I’m going to have to just look in the dictionary under ‘babbling’ again.

Also, the word for waterfall is Taki, which is why this waterfall is called Jionnotaki. And apparently, according to google translate, Jionnotaki means “Waterfall of Charity”. Which, it does seem to be charitable in the sense that its giving quite a bit of beauty to this dark and scary world, am I right? It certainly brightened up mine and my family’s day. If you ever find yourself near, what might be the border between Kusu and Amagase in Japan, you should definitely park your kei car, whip out the crustless curry sandwiches, and check out this waterfall. I’m serious, they sell crustless, square sandwiches filled with curry, pre-packaged for your enjoyment in Japan. Technology is amazing.

Yakiniku: Grilling Me Softly

Have you ever gone to a restaurant after a long day at work and thought to yourself, “Boy, I’d really like to grill my own meats tonight.” Well if it’s a Yakiniku restaurant you’re going to, then gosh darn it to heck, you’re in luck! Yaki means ‘grilled’ (basically) and Niku means ‘meat’ and when you put them together, you get both of those words together! Although, of course there are veggie options if you’d like to grill some cabbage and onions instead. Me and a couple friends of mine recently went to a restaurant that offers Yakiniku services called Ajisai in Kusu, Japan. While there, minding our own business and eating our own food (I think I was eating Ramen or something) these guys at the bar started talking with us and eventually they joined us at our table so that we could grill some meats together! It all happened so quickly, I’m still recovering.

We enjoyed some beef and some chicken fat. It was a delightful experience. As you can see, in the middle of the table is a grill, and no its not electric, there is real blue flame heating it up. And people sometimes drink a lot of alcoholic beverages and use wooden chopsticks to stir around and pick things up off of this thing. I just cut out the middle man and picked up everything with my teeth. My face got severely burned. Just kidding. Once, I went to a camp site with some coworkers in Yufu City, and we grilled up all kinds of steaks and vegetables on these two very long grills. It was so gosh darn fun watching them light a bunch of wood on fire before we started cooking. If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend it.

While with my family, we went to a friends restaurant and enjoyed a more relaxing Yakiniku experience. As you can see out the window, its all lush and green outside. Also, about a mile up the road is a Dude Ranch. That is not a joke, and I still want to go there. A Japanese Dude Ranch. That just sounds amazing. But this restaurant that rests right on the property of the husband and wife who own it is what I really want to talk about. It’s called Kachoshi, and it is magical and quite hidden deep in the forests of Kokonoe Town. Sometimes her children even hang out with us and we all talk about bulldozers and firetrucks. I’ve been there three times now, and the woman speaks fluent English and if you can find it (after you find Kokonoe Town, of course), you should definitely check it out yourself.

Canal City: A Canal Runs Through It

Before moving to Japan, I knew I was going to be spending a week in the most glorious and quite possibly second largest metropolitan area in Japan, Fukuoka City. I like how I say “quite possibly” like I actually know what I’m talking about. It makes me chuckle. About an hour from somewhere in Japan, I’m sure, lies the very foreigner friendly city that has everything a tourist would ever need, without the zany, sometimes horrific oddities that Tokyo has. While everywhere in Japan is arguably foreigner-friendly, its still a nice descriptive term to use and I won’t apologize for using it. What I will apologize for is how long it took me to check out this impressive shopping mall, Canal City. Darn near five months! Frankly, it’s quite despicable and I’m sorry. Moving on! It’s a multi-story complex that has free, live entertainment and during the summer has water shows in its canal every hour. I’ve been here twice, once with a friend and the second time with my family, and I would return here every weekend if I could.

The first time I went there, I saw this circus act magic show that was done by these three eastern Europeans. It was funny, interactive, entertaining and completely free. And I loved every free moment of it. My second time here, I caught the equally as free, but not as entertaining water show. But let me return to the circus act real quick…check out those short shorts. And also check out the audience member wearing the Russian hat and fake mustache just hanging out as the dudes run around him, hands locked. Let’s just take a moment to appreciate that to its full entirety. In all seriousness though, it was a very funny and entertaining show. And the coolest part was that they were doing it in fluent Japanese. I want to be able to entertain people in Japan someday while speaking their language. I tried writing a song in Japanese once, and it just did not translate over well. I’m still working on the language. But back to the story!

Both times I went, though, I experienced the greatest thing that Canal City has to offer. Ramen Stadium! It’s on the fifth or sixth floor, I don’t know, its up there and its a giant lobby with about a dozen Ramen restaurants all offering different styles and variety of Japan’s favorite (thinner) noodle dish. As you can see from this picture, …and because I’m telling you…its very common to add (barely) hard-boiled eggs to ramen dishes. And yes, there are noodles under there. Ramen comes in all shapes and sizes from soy sauce flavor to curry flavor and most things in between. It’s quite a dazzling experience all around. You walk up into the lobby of this place and you choose which restaurant you want to eat at. You then go up to that establishments ticket machine and place your order. Yes, by pushing buttons. After you receive your tickets, you stand in a red velvet roped off line until its your turn in the hot seats! Both times the ramen was amazing, and both times I needed a lot more napkins then the average person would ever need eating a noodle dish, but come on…chopsticks.

Canal City is more than just circus shows and ramen though. Its full of all sorts of shops tailoring to many needs. They have this amazing snack shop somewhere on the 3rd floor or something that has staple snacks from all over the world. This is very important because most snacks that you love from your country are not very available anywhere else in Japan. So I highly recommend visiting that snack shop. Unfortunately I don’t remember what its called, so I guess you’ll just have to go there to find it yourself. 😉 That’s a very creepy looking winky face. I apologize.

A Bridge Too High

Somewhere behind the clouds, way above the chimney tops in the land of the ice and snow you will find the world’s tallest suspension bridge. Well, at least the tallest suspension footbridge in Oita, Japan. If heights are a thing that you love to hate, but love enough to stomach for about 2 miles one way and then 2 miles back, then you need to check this bridge out! As you can see from the photo, you can easily touch both railings if you were standing in the middle of the bridge, and as an added ‘throat in your stomach’ bonus, if you look down, you can see right through the bottom. Also, if you jump or run, the wind might just carry you away, so I would recommend you not run or jump while on this bridge. You can literally see it swaying back and forth if the wind is blowing hard enough.

I have been here at least three times. It’s called the Yume Otsuribashi, and if you think the name is hard to pronounce, then you are correct. It is pretty hard to pronounce. But it also is very inexpensive, at 500 yen to cross it both ways. Don’t lose your ticket though, because they do check it at both ends. Getting to this bridge is just about as fun as crossing the bridge itself. Especially if you drive a Kei Car. I drive a Nissan Dayz, which if you don’t know what that is, just imagine the backseat of a minivan, that’s my entire car. It generally takes about 20 minutes to drive up the mountain to the bridge and some of those inclines damn near make the car completely vertical.

About halfway up is a restaurant with a very beautiful view and staff members who wear face paint. I really wish I had gotten a picture of the greeter at this place. He looked pretty awesome. I ate some Niku Udon with a few friends and then we trekked the rest of the way up to the main, suspended attraction. Once you enter the gate onto the grounds, you have to crane your neck to even catch a view of the bridge. There is a huge parking lot with a line of stores and souvenir shops to check out. Then you get to the ticket window, where you pay the 500 yen and say a few hail Mary’s. Then it’s off to the races! But like I said, don’t actually race across the bridge, I don’t think its a good idea. Once you’re on, everywhere you look from side to side and down below, is just the lushest green. If you really strain your eyes, you can see a couple waterfalls to either side.

Across the bridge is another restaurant where I think I ate hot soba noodles the first time I visited. Then about a half-mile up the road from there is a small souvenir shop that looks like a person’s house, and a small box shrine. Around the shrine, tied to tree branches were these pieces of paper. Sometimes people make wishes or draw fortunes at shrines and tie them to tree branches so they either come true, or the fortune gets better. It’s never worked for me, but I think I’m forgetting to click my heels or something. In the souvenir shop, I found and purchased my first pair of sunglasses in Japan. They were these really cool cop shades. I was super stoked about it. Also, I apologize for all of the really sub-par pictures. This was back in 2016 before my smartphone days. You’re looking at photos taken on a flip phone that I then re-took with a digital camera to put on the internet. Technology is fascinating.

On the way home, the second time around, I couldn’t stop singing “I’m a Survivor, I’m not gonna give up!” or however the lyrics go. Also, for those of you not familiar with yen prices, 500 yen is about $6.00 USD, which isn’t bad to cross a nearly 2 mile bridge, that according to this diagram is taller than Godzilla. It is serene once you make it to the middle and you still haven’t died yet. I can’t really remember much about the third time I went there. Aliens, maybe. But regardless, I recommend checking it out if you are ever in Kokonoe Town in Oita, Japan. It’s gets my officially exclusive rating of ‘Taller than Godzilla’ outta 10!

From Arabica With Love

What’s more exciting than seeing another Bond villain with a fake accent? Not much actually, but for the sake of this post I’m going to have to say coffee. The nectar of the Gods that may make you more loopy than the helicopter scene in From Russia With Love in the ADR booth during post-production. You know what I mean…Automatic Dialog Replacement. You  know…because you gotta loop the video while the actors replace the dialog because of the sound and the….well, its all very technical. But what isn’t technical, is my love for coffee. Moving on!

The months leading up to my great, Japanese adventure I was legitimately concerned that I may have to say goodbye to coffee as I knew and loved it forever, or at least until I returned back to America. I would find myself sneaking tear-soaked glances at my Keurig coffee machine thinking that the end was drawing near. It was going to be tea from here on out. Even while still on the plane as they wheeled out the green tea flavored ice cream, I felt myself screaming out in terror, just flailing about in wanton recklessness. The staff was not very pleased with me. But I was very pleased to find out after being in Japan for a day or so that coffee was not only a thing in Japan, but it was absolutely everywhere.

From wacky themed Tokyo cafes to small privately owned ‘kissatens’, coffee is enjoyed all over this great country. And, I don’t know if it was from shock or sheer stupidity, but I first started noticing cold and hot cans of black coffee for the first time in Japan. I mean, I remember drinking the Starbucks cold mocha cans in America, but I’d never seen straight black coffee in an aluminum can before. Prior to coming here I thought that coffee would be hard to find and even harder to enjoy, but boy was I wrong. Dead wrong. There are more different flavors of coffee in the convenience store cooler than there are people in Valley Springs, California. Ok, maybe that’s not so true anymore, but it would have been true in 1996! I was amazed at how many different flavors of coffee they have in this country. Humorously enough, I only drink black coffee, but its still interesting.

And while its fun and exciting to enjoy coffee out on the go, its much more intimate and sensual to enjoy it in the privacy of your own home. I probably could have come up with better adjectives, but oh well. My favorite coffee inspired invention to enjoy in the home has got to be the disposable drip coffee. It’s just the greatest thing ever. You open up the package and there is a filter with coffee grounds inside. You then open it up and attach it to the top of your mecha kawaii kitty-chan coffee mug. Then you pour hot water into the filter and coffee drips into your mug. It’s just great stuff.

There’s also this other thing that I received from a friend of mine at a party. It’s a hard, plastic drip coffee device that you place on top of your mug. You obviously need your own coffee grounds for this one and she gave me an entire cannister of Starbucks brand coffee grounds to go along with it. I have since exhausted the contents of it, but the tin works as a nice ride cymbal so I kept it. I don’t know why I expected my Japanese adventure to be lacking in the arabica and robusta department, but I did and I feel oh, so ashamed about it. I really should be thanking Yemen for this, since that is thought to have been where coffee was first enjoyed as a beverage, but I believe it was the Dutch who shared coffee with Japan first back in the Edo period. But regardless of whom shared what with whom first, I am eternally grateful all the same.